Was it you or me that used to freelance writing horoscopes?
Which brought back so many memories. You see, for a while as an undergrad I was reduced to taking freelance writing assignments off a vaguely-disreputable website. I'm talking, like, people bidding to accept the least amount of money for the most amount of work - it was not a pretty part of the internet.
One of the bids I actually got from this site was:
To write horoscopes.
To write six months' worth of horoscopes for all the Zodiac signs.
To write six months' worth of horoscopes for all the Zodiac signs, in five days.
To write six months' worth of horoscopes for all the Zodiac signs, in five days, for something like 40 measly dollars.
I started on day two of five by carefully researching the strengths, weaknesses, and personality types of each sign and crafting horoscopes that spoke to these characteristics. It was all very slowly and painstakingly done. By the home stretch, it was 5am and I was alternating a few hours' sleep with a few hours' writing as my then-boyfriend helped during my breaks.
It was nerve-wracking doing so much work on such a tight deadline. 30 days x 6 months x 12 signs = 2160 unique horoscopes x a minute or two to write each = 36 hours or so. I just did the math now because at the time I couldn't bear to. And I would like to never do it again.
On the up side, in the short term I learned a lot about freelancing; in the long term, it makes a really funny story to tell at parties.
"In my day we wrote horoscopes SIXITY months ahead of time, we had to say SIXITY cause George Bush had taken away all our civil liberties and the number six"
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