I can see again! Trees have leaves, instead of just being giant green sponges; asphalt is made of tiny pebbles, instead of appearing as a flat gray surface!
I took a chance and ordered a pair of glasses from EyeBuyDirect. I was originally going to order from ZenniOptical, because their glasses are actually much cheaper; however, a quick internet search unearthed a ton of complaints online about Zenni's poor service and slow shipping times (slow boat from China, no less, so you know there's a good chance of things getting lost on the way).
My order was for a pair of their Rabbit frames in gold. I upgraded my lenses to "super thin" because otherwise my glasses are too heavy to actually sit on my face, and added anti-scratch, anti-reflective, and anti-UV coatings. The subtotal was $71.85 plus $4.95 shipping; an easily-located internet coupon got me $10 off, for a grand total of $66.02. Not bad considering my last pair was something like $250.
EyeBuyDirect's customer service was also very helpful: I had to email them over an issue when my payment wouldn't go through, and they gave me several options. The glasses took about two weeks to be prepared, and then I received an email letting me know that my order had shipped and should arrive in a few days. In fact, my glasses actually showed up that afternoon.
Included in the package were my glasses, a sturdy frosted plastic case, and a lens cleaning cloth. The only issue was that the left lens had actually popped clear out of the frames in transit, but that only took about 10 seconds to fix. Once reassembled, the frames were much sturdier than my old pair, and I really like the way they look. Here's the best photo I could get with my finicky webcam:
They're a bit crooked, but that's hardly the frames' fault: one of my ears is higher than the other. I think it ... adds ... character. Or something.