Rejected!

I feel special. I'm not even an author or a journalist, but I already got my first rejection letter of the year!

I'd put in a bid on ifreelance - a college newspaper was looking for someone to write a parody social advice column. After submitting a sample, I was told to send them a month's worth, and then they would let me know if I had a job (and I would be paid for the month, of course).

Today I got a response. Apparently my work sounded "too much like a girl" and "not enough like a NYC taxi driver."

First, I was angered. Anyone who knows me will tell you I sound much more like a NYC taxi driver than a "girl" in real life (and, my mother would argue, this is not a good thing).

Then, I was hurt. For obvious reasons.

Then, I was angered again. Because the man who wrote the email had lied to me - yes indeed! What he clearly intended to write was "You have demonstrated that you possess decent spelling and grammar skills, clear sentence structure, and a sense of humor. This frightens us and we cannot allow you space in our publication. Please go away before we wet ourselves."

Clearly.

And now? Well, I'm getting paid and they're stuck with a crap column until they find another good writer. Color me amused.

What are YOU doing Dec. 9th?

If you're in/near/around Austin, you should be at Films for Food. You know, supporting local actors, local filmmakers, and helping the needy. All at once:

FILMS FOR FOOD

"Jack Horner Mysteries -The Case of the Spoon" will premiere on Dec. 9, 2007 at the Alamo Drafthouse - South Lamar, Austin, Texas with 3 other short films. Two screenings are scheduled - 12:15PM and 1:30PM. Tickets ($10) are being presold and selling out.

Proceeds from the event and designated donations are going to benefit the Capital Area Food Bank.

2 short shorts, "Fowl Play" by Steve Warren, "Apostrophe" by Allegra McCoy, and another short feature "Soccer Mom" by Steve Cauley will be on the program with our favorite police detective, Jack Horner.

Preview for Jack Horner:

I've already bought my tickets :-)

Fall Party Picture Post

Subversive Children's Literature

Am I the only one getting a little sick of narrowminded adults going ballistic over children's literature?

First, it was attacking The Rainbow Fish for being Socialist propaganda. Because we all know small children will immediately make the leap from "sharing with your friends" to "party-run state."

Then, there were the people who decided to have a cow over Dumbledore's sexual orientation. Because we all know that knowing an character in a book is gay, even if it is never mentioned explicitly in the entire series, will make your child pine for their same-sex peers.

Now, there's the proposed boycott against The Golden Compass movie. Because the novel apparently promotes an atheist agenda and will make children want to kill God.

Seriously, folks? You're adults. do you really, honestly believe any of this? Do you give children any credit at all for being able to experience something without having it re-wire their brains?

You know what? I loved The Golden Compass as a kid. I read the entire series early in high school, and I surprisingly did not turn into an anti-theologue (if such a term exists). I also love Harry Potter! And am not magically gay after hearing about Dumbledore (although I did think it explained a few things)! Also? My parents read me The Rainbow Fish. And I vote Democrat!

I also managed to reread all of the Chronicles of Narnia a dozen times over without turning into a religious fundamentalist. (if The Last Battle isn't a treatise on intolerance, I don't know what is) Oh, and learn about Orson Scott Card's ideas on homosexuality without becoming a homophobe.

I also read the Redwall Chronicles without turning into a crazy PETA-supporting environmentalist, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn without running away from home, and The Wind in the Willows without becoming a car thief.

Will wonders never cease.

What I do at work all day

Spanish Linguistics v. Rhetoric

Spanish Linguistics:

Rule #1: Words are arbitrary sounds chosen to stand for occasionally ambiguous meanings.

Rhetoric:

See pages 817-827 of Locke's treatise on why words don't convey meaning perfectly (hint: because they're arbitrary sounds chosen to stand for occasionally ambiguous meanings).

Empirically, Lingusitics > Rhetoric in this case, because it took me much less time to take notes over the first reading.

The Pitfalls of Living Near Campus

Seriously.

One of the major pitfalls in living two blocks from campus is the sheer number of people that show up at your door asking for money (because, obviously, college students are renowned for their income level. Especially those living in the smaller apartment complex).

I just turned away what may have been a perfectly legitimate fundraiser for youth because in the year and a half I've been living here, the kind of people to come to my door have been:

• A "grassroots environmental activist" getting a small donation and my signature on a petition. This was months ago, and last week I get a call after work asking if I want to become a "permanent funder" or some such. I asked them to send me some information so I could make a decision; I get an invoice in the mail for $140.
• A pushy, rude, and argumentative man from the Austin-American Statesman wanting me to get daily delivery.
  
• A set of frat boys trying to sell magazine subscriptions who started their pitch with "hi! we're participating in a 'naturally cute and cuddly' contest, so we wanted your opinion on how we look!"
• Another set of frat boys, from a different fraternity, with a different stupid pitch and a bunch of magazines I don't want. No, I do not need a year's subscription to Maxim, thank you, and that doesn't mean I want a subscription to Country Home Living, either.

All this gets mixed in with the other fundraisers and fraternity members, not to mention the pushy magazine sellers that cornered my friend who used to live in apartment #1 one evening, or the guys that tricked me into buying a year's subscription to Parenting, of all things ("it goes to a women's shelter!" my foot). And the icing on the cake is the weekly door-hangers from food services (another pizza place? great!), cleaning services (for all 550 sq. feet of my apartment?), DVD releases (I got one for a movie two weeks after it hit DVD), the Watchtower magazines conveniently "forgotten" in the laundry room, etc.

Just, bleh. I love having my own place, but if there were a way to electrify my doorknob I'd be all over that.

21st Birthday, part 2

Argh, I've been really bad about updating lately. However, as of tomorrow (Monday), I will be officially only working one job, so maybe my post volume will go up.

Eager readers can only hope, right?

Well, there are still pictures to be posted, and stories to tell.

I just went through all my photos, and unfortunately none of my Tower O' Balloons came out properly. Dad drove my Sherlock's before we arrived to drop off a HUGE balloon set (with a camera attached; good hint). Sadly, the damn thing wouldn't sit still for a photo. Never work with animals, kids, or balloons, I guess.

However, here are some more pics from my party and the day after, which I spent with my family. Mom picked me up and we all went out to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3 (which I wound up watching again the next evening, it was that good). There were also presents (yay, presents!), and cake and dinner, and it was a wonderful evening. Mom and Dad doubtless have better pics than I do, but I'll have to wait for them to get sent my way (hint, hint).

Alex's gift

Group shot!

At home:

*Crazy eyes*

"Greg, I hope crazy eyes aren't genetic."

"Too late!"

In the movie theatre. Fun fact: due to the darkness, I couldn't see dad's "pose" until after the flash went off.


Dad, telling Homer what he wants for Christmas.

Gifts! This one's a stuffed puppy from Gigi.

Gift set of shower gels in foreground.


Aaaaand, random pictures coming up tomorrow or Tuesday!

Sidewalk Chalk = Teacher's Helper

There were four teens at the summer program today. After doing the worksheet -- 16 problems involving "How much money did you save on #w of x item if it's regularly $y and it's on sale for $z? -- as a group, the general consensus was that none of us felt like sitting at a desk and doing more math.

Unfortunately, the teens still needed to work on their addition/subtraction with money; most of them are lacking that skill, and it's needed for their work in the LC Store.

A suggested that we go outside for a while. I took one look at the pouring rain, and shooed everyone out to the patio connected to the building. R drew the short straw, and got sent back in to dig some chalk out of the sports closet.

We spent the next half an hour doing "Math Relays." I put them into groups of two, facing away from me at the other end of the patio, and drew two sets of math problems on the floor (i.e. $1.50 + $.75), gave them chalk, and had them tag-team the problems.

It was great, and fun, and being outside meant I could shout "3 ... 2... 1... Math!" and not feel like a complete dork :-D. Once the rain stopped, we extended the running part of the relay to the length of the sidewalk ^-^

By the time we ran out of room to write (and chalk), the teens were more willing to come indoors and do store inventory, which was a great perk!

Video Post

You knowit's been a long week when: having an hour to surf youtube clips feels like a special vacation.

Everyone will now be subjected to John Barrowman clips, because he is my new favorite famous-person.

First, him singing Moon River. 'Cause it makes me cry.





Singing Marry Me A Little. 'Cause it's a great song.

On The Weakest Link. 'Cause ... AWESOME.




And, finally, a scene from De-Lovely. 'Cause it has a Kevin Kline.

Pirate Camp

Work at FC is going nicely so far. Remember how I was bemoaning the fact that no teens showed up the first day? Yeah, there were 10 last Friday. Granted, there are only three today, but still. 10!

They should all be done with their interviews this week, at which point we're moving on to how to write checks/balance a checkbook/use credit cards.

Also, as part of the "business and sales" theme, the teens opened a store at the Learning Center last Monday, selling soda, bottled water, candy, and chips (yeah, I know; the boss has me trying to get them to sell some healthier things over the next few weeks). Even with just being open 25 minutes during lunch and 10 minutes after the program, they brought in $180 last week! The vote on Friday was to spend 60% on new stock and put 40% into a savings account.

I'm very excited to see how much they're able to make with it this summer. The thought at the moment is that the money is going towards a party for them at the end of the program.


On a side note, in keeping with our pirate theme we have "pirate camp" two days a week. I ran the art program a while back -- the kids got to design their own pirate flags, and then explain why they chose their design. There are a bunch up on the wall next to me -- my favorite responses are:

Cus it is skaree

I made a bleeding X, That means, come on this boat without permison you will be sorry.

I picked this because its scary. This guys Brain got stabbed.